Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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