Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just google imaged poop.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
