wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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