You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
