come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So much rum. So many feels.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
