I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
