so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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