Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
