Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
