some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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