There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
