i think my tv is drunk
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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