So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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