I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
