In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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