So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
