honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wish you could order shots online.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
