I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
