i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I party with great urgency now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
