Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Barsexuality is the new black.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
