So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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