i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
