im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
