I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
