I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
