i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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