Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
