break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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