I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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