babies were throwing up all over the place
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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