i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
