it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
