Got a toothbrush?
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
