We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
