That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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