I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
