Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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