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Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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