at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
stop calling my apartment porn island.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
