woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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