what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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