I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
