I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize