whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
