porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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