it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
