you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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