Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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