he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
