she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
