Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
