ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
