Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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