there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize