I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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