when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize