Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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