you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
