So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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