sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
