never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
