Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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