I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
