I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
