It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
