Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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