im having a threesome with these popsicles
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
