he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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