So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Someone came in the potted fern
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
