I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
