Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
